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Post by Hodgy on Apr 5, 2021 10:16:23 GMT
Del Boy: "You said it was open 24 hours a day." Trigger: "Yeah, but not at night."  |
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Post by admin on Apr 11, 2021 18:11:20 GMT
I was at a funeral and asked the priest for the WiFi password. "Have some respect for the dead!" he said. I replied, "Is that all lower case?" |
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Post by admin on Apr 15, 2021 19:53:57 GMT
I've got no problem with genetically modified food... Last night I had a lovely leg of salmon! |
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Post by admin on Apr 25, 2021 19:56:24 GMT
I'm not saying there are microchips in these vaccines, but my right arm just told me it will be updating tonight between midnight and 2am! |
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Post by admin on Apr 26, 2021 9:00:03 GMT
CCTV_IDIOTS@cctv_idiotsYou think you’re job is hard: WATCH THIS 
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Post by Hodgy on Apr 29, 2021 18:49:21 GMT
Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional." With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrollable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" said Bob..... |
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Post by admin on Jun 16, 2021 12:39:12 GMT
Footy Humour@FootyHumourThe best/worst own goal you will ever see OOPS!
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Post by Hodgy on Jun 16, 2021 14:56:29 GMT
Footy Humour@FootyHumourThe best/worst own goal you will ever see OOPS! As per the comments, must have been a brown paper bag involved. Haiti keeper born in Canada  |
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Post by admin on Jul 8, 2021 21:15:08 GMT
Do you mean how did the war start |
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Post by admin on Aug 1, 2021 14:01:57 GMT
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Post by admin on Aug 5, 2021 9:39:47 GMT
In the Chinese restaurant and the lights went out. The waiter said “You need to start  .” A bit weird, I thought. Anyway, we all started and the lights came on! I said “How did that happen? “ He replied……”Old Chinese proverb, many hands make light work. “ |
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Post by Hodgy on Aug 5, 2021 10:06:06 GMT
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Post by admin on Aug 14, 2021 8:07:02 GMT
It is a little known fact that the Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle until one side mysteriously disappeared. |
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Post by admin on Aug 15, 2021 21:22:02 GMT
Lee Hurst - Don’t just get angry - Organise@LeeHurstComic 15/8/21
REPORTER: How long before the Taliban takes Kabul?
BIDEN: It depends on how fast they can drive. The Afghan National Army has crumbled to dust but we’re confident some of our traffic calming measures, speed bumps, width restrictions etc will slow the Taliban advance. b0252
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Post by Hodgy on Oct 6, 2021 9:12:25 GMT
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!" Dad Jokes England. |
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Post by admin on Oct 10, 2021 10:08:32 GMT
Whitey McWhiteyface@OldWelshGit33Do you ever wake up and kiss and cuddle the person sleeping beside you and feel glad your alive? I just did and now I'm banned from flying with British Airways.
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Post by Milo (not Mylo!!) on Oct 31, 2021 11:03:48 GMT
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Post by Hodgy on Nov 1, 2021 10:45:42 GMT
Really bad news. He’s been the voice of Saturday’s for 27 years. Looks bloody well for 67. The show lost its appeal since all the woke changes. Wouldn’t be surprised if he turned up somewhere with his old pals. |
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Post by Milo (not Mylo!!) on Nov 1, 2021 11:30:05 GMT
Really bad news. He’s been the voice of Saturday’s for 27 years. Looks bloody well for 67. The show lost its appeal since all the woke changes. Wouldn’t be surprised if he turned up somewhere with his old pals. Didn't really watch it too much but would stick with it for a while when I did catch it on a Saturday or whenever. When it went woke last year and got rid of the stalwarts to satisfy Sky's obsession with diversity and inclusivity I finished with it for good. His replacement will say a lot about the decision and his reasoning to leave. Was he pushed? Did he leave by choice because he just thought it was time to go or was he as p'd off as many of the viewers about the direction that the show had gone in. |
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Post by Hodgy on Nov 1, 2021 20:43:57 GMT
Really bad news. He’s been the voice of Saturday’s for 27 years. Looks bloody well for 67. The show lost its appeal since all the woke changes. Wouldn’t be surprised if he turned up somewhere with his old pals. Didn't really watch it too much but would stick with it for a while when I did catch it on a Saturday or whenever. When it went woke last year and got rid of the stalwarts to satisfy Sky's obsession with diversity and inclusivity I finished with it for good. His replacement will say a lot about the decision and his reasoning to leave. Was he pushed? Did he leave by choice because he just thought it was time to go or was he as p'd off as many of the viewers about the direction that the show had gone in. Agree, Sky and many others are so concerned about it they actually switched to woke before they predicted the people’s perceptions. I have always believed in live and let live, the best person for the job. As I believe most people do. Very much doubt he was pushed. He’s far too popular and loved by so many. I would think your final sentence is much more likely. |
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Post by admin on Nov 2, 2021 10:16:45 GMT
Put that burger down, turn that light out, cancel any future flights or travel plans and get your heat pump and charging point fitted to save the planet - would be funny if the right people (ie us) were not paying for the Tories Net Zero disaster that took 90 minutes to pass but is going to cost us £ Trillions.
Dawn Neesom@DawnNeesom 1/11/21Beyond parody...Face with rolling eyes #COP26This is Joe Biden’s motorcade |
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Post by admin on Nov 24, 2021 22:21:55 GMT
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Post by Hodgy on Nov 27, 2021 12:34:54 GMT
During the 1970s I remember selling suits in Birmingham and asking the male customers if they wanted a Kipper Tie. Most of them said yes please, two sugars. Dad jokes England. |
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Post by Hodgy on Nov 28, 2021 17:11:09 GMT
Jeez! That was so windy and cold yesterday. Walking the boy was painful. My Wheelie Bin overtook me and set off the speed camera Dadjokes England. |
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Post by Hodgy on Dec 13, 2021 10:45:54 GMT
I stopped at a very upmarket burger van yesterday, It had 4 Michelin tyres Tim Vine joke association group. |
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